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The Blessings of Doubt Introduction to the Scriptures: Chapter 15 of Luke records three parables - we'll only hear two of them this morning. Some people call these parables the parables of lost things. One is about a lost sheep, another is about a lost coin, and the third is about a lost son (or some would say, two lost sons - but that is for another sermon!). I prefer the title others give to these stories: the parables of the joy of recovery and return. Really, that's what it is about, the recovery, the return and the accompanying joy! We all know that feeling of losing something, something important, or something necessary - we know the aggravation, but we also know the commitment with which we are willing to search for those things or people, to turn the house or car or clothes or our hearts inside out with that focused goal - finding that which we've lost. Think of the joy you feel when the lost is found. The relief that what was gone has returned. Jesus tells these stories in the face of opposition from the religious leaders, the guardians of the status quo, the keepers of the law, the judges of others, defenders of certainty. In the face of their criticism of Jesus for hanging out with people of doubtful reputations and in light of their self-righteousness, Jesus tells them these stories. He uses two images for God that would have seemed a bit unusual and perhaps scandalous to those arrogant religious leaders. By the first century, shepherds had acquired a bad reputation. Although both the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament use this image either for God or Jesus, there is a bit of shock value that a disreputable shepherd would be the image of God. But don't stop there! Jesus goes on in a kind of parallel parable to represent God as a poor woman, yes, a woman! (Remember, we're still in the first century.) These parables are full of challenge and shock for the religious leaders and they are also full of comfort for anyone who has felt or is feeling lost. Let's listen to Chris read these two stories and then we'll sing a song that incorporates them as well as the story many of us know as The Prodigal Son - I prefer to call it, The Loving Father.) + + + I was 13 and in 7th grade. Maybe some of you are that old today. Perhaps some of you remember that awkward time between childhood and adulthood. I can still see my mother's serious face as she gave me this ring I have around my neck. It belonged to my grandmother Marie. Marie is my middle name, given in honor of Marie McQuinn Zanolli after she died before my birth. The ring had been past from grandma Marie to my mother and now she was passing it to me, "I think you are old enough now to have this ring," she said. Oh, she was wrong! Not so long after this heirloom was entrusted into my care, I left it in my gym locker after class one day. No amount of frantic searching did any good. Trudging home, heart heavy, my confession ready, I felt such a failure and I mourned the loss of this family treasure. I don't remember much about mom's reaction. So either I have blocked the terribleness of it, or there was some measure of unexpected grace, though I think neither eased my suffering. One year later. One year later! Standing in the lunch line outside the cafeteria I saw the ring on the finger of a girl I didn't know! Pointing at the ring, I said, "I lost a ring just like that about a year ago." "Oh," she said brightly, "I found this in a gym locker. Here you go." Well, it was a miracle! I did a happy dance! Rejoice, the lost has been found! By the way, I have, lost this ring two other times since then. One time right here at FCC. It was found by, bless his heart, Ken Roehl. Believing there may be a limit on the number of losses . . . and more importantly "founds" that this ring possesses, I now wear it on a chain! I am confident every one of you has stories of lost and found. I wish we had time to share them this morning. We all have stories about all kinds of losses and "findings" . . . lost things, certainly, but also lost loves, or lost friends, lost family members or lost hopes, lost dreams or lost faith. I also know that not all of them have happy endings. But in the ones that do, we are given a reminder, an illustration, an image, a metaphor to hold on to, like these parables. The Searching, Finding God of these parables is unrelenting in the search. The woman lights a lamp (the oil will cost her) and she tears the house apart looking for that one coin . . . she still has 9 others . . . and then, when found, she calls her friends and invites them to rejoice with her. The shepherd is really quite extraordinary. Did you notice that he went off looking for that one lost sheep, leaving behind the other 99 not in some safe fenced in yard watched over by his apprentice shepherd. No, the text says he left them in the wilderness. What? That's not right! How irresponsible! How extravagant, how reckless is the love of God, the seeking, pursuing, wanting to find us at all costs God! (And, by the way, that is another rebuff for the religious leaders - we pastor types are in big trouble in many of Jesus' teachings! The 99 representing the righteous are just left, left untended while God seeks the lost.) Although I know at times I need to hear these parables from the perspective of those religious leaders, (perhaps you find yourself in that part of the story too sometimes) right now I'd like to consider the story from the perspective of the lost sheep and the lost coin. The hymn we just sang does that, it invited us to be "that treasured coin worth searching for, that treasured sheep worth dying for." Perhaps you know that feeling of being lost, losing your way, losing your faith. I suspect that under the arrogance of the Pharisees was also a sense of loss or a fear of loss or a fear of doubt. Traditional interpretations of the Christian faith - many faiths - consider doubt as bad, as the opposite of faith, as something to be avoided or overcome. It's in the list of the seven deadly sins, it's in phrases like, "Oh he's a doubting Thomas." We say, "Don't doubt!" Is doubt really that bad? In his thought-provoking book called On Not Leaving It to the Snake, theologian Harvey Cox proposed that doubt is not the opposite of faith, apathy is. Doubt has been a hot topic lately with the publication of Mother Teresa's letters to her confessors and superiors. Many have been shocked by reading her private correspondence. (By the way, there hasn't been as much talk about the ethics of releasing these documents, letters she had requested be destroyed . . . I'm thinking of shredding my journals!) Passages like this one have made some call her a hypocrite for the external peace and joy she presented while inside she wrestled mightily. She writes: Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love - and now become the most hated one - the one - You have thrown away as unwanted - unloved, I call, I cling, I want - there is no One to answer - no One on Whom I can cling - no No one - Alone - Where is my Faith . . Were you shocked by this, or, like me, did you find a kind of comfort in knowing that one of the great ones struggled just like us with doubt and feelings of abandonment? Surely this does not undo all the good she did in her life. Surely this private anguish is expressed and must have been felt with the same type of tenacious passion that compelled her work with the poor. We all have it don't we - Christian people, people of all faiths, even people of no faith? It's part of being human. Doubts, feelings of being lost, wondering if God has left us. . . And we are in great company, and so is Mother Theresa. Listen to these excerpts from another journal: "But I, O Lord, cry out to you; in the morning my prayer comes before you. O Lord, why do you cast me off? Why do you hide your face from me? Wretched and close to death from my youth up, I suffer your terrors; I am desperate. (Psalm 88, NRSV) "Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" (Psalm 10:1, NRSV) "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? (Psalm 13, NRSV) "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Psalm 22, NRSV) These quotations from Psalms 10, 13, 22, and 88 confirm that universal human experience of feeling abandoned and far from God. The writings of many great mystics over the centuries confirm this experience too. The 16th century Spanish mystic, St. John of the Cross even coined a term for these times of doubt and suffering, he called it "the dark night of the soul." Although painful, having doubt, wrestling with questions of faith, feeling abandoned, are opportunities for growth, for maturity, for deepening our faith. Doubt is not bad, it might even be seen as a blessing. As he often does, Frederick Buechner wraps it all up in a few colorful words: he writes: Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you don't have any doubts you are either kidding yourself or asleep. Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving. May you see your doubts as blessings. May your doubts not overwhelm you. May you see them as "the ants in the pants of your faith." May they keep your faith "awake and moving." May you see your struggle as an invitation to experience that, even in the darkest times, when you feel as small and hidden as a lost coin in the large house, when you feel like a lost sheep, God is pursuing, God is recklessly searching, leaving the others behind, caring about that single soul that appears to be missing for good. But the lost gets found! There is recovery and return! Then God throws a party and the joy is amazing, both for you, the once lost, and for the One who never stops searching. Amen. |
