Why Are We Unhappy? Too Many Choices
November 20, 2004
Philippians 4:8ff Ralph DiBiasio-Snyder
Introduction to the Scripture
What do we want out of life? For our loved ones . . . our children, our spouse, parents, each other? What do we really want for them? "Well," we say, "We just want them to be happy." And what do we want for ourselves? Pretty much the same: to be happy. And what makes our children, our spouse, our friends, ourselves happy? "Well," says the apostle Paul in today's reading, "I'll tell you. It starts in your head - in your mind, with what you think about. But it takes time too. It takes experience to learn how to be content and at peace - that is, ?happy.'" Let us listen now for God's Word to us in today's Scripture reading.
So there I am at Starbucks, standing in front of the twenty-something young man, he patiently waiting for me, and I nervously reading through the way-too-many options on the blackboard behind him. It's not enough to just want a cup of coffee. It's not even enough to want regular coffee with sugar and cream. No. First there is the choice of sizes: Tall? Grande? And then will it be Brazil Ipanema Bourbon (mellow and soft, with hints of cocoa), or Columbia Narino Supremo (full-bodied with satisfying walnut flavors), Arabian Mocha Sanani (wild and exotic with an aroma of spice), or Café Verona (full and creamy, with a sweet finish)? Is this coffee, or is it wine I'm buying? And then what shall I put in it? White sugar or brown? Raw, perhaps? And half-n-half, or skim milk, or whole milk, or soy milk, or something else? But perhaps I would rather have a latte, or capucino or expresso?
Once I have made my choices among the myriad of options, I practice in my mind so I can say it clearly and with conviction - a tall, houseblend regular, raw sugar, cream, in a mug . . . There! I have ordered a cup of coffee! And I wonder: Do we really need all those options? Could it be that too many choices are not good for the human soul? Or is this just one more piece of the mounting evidence of my advancing age?
Barry Schwartz is a professor of psychology and social theory at Swarthmore College. He tells the story of when he, a middle-aged man, made a very bad choice by going into a Gap store to buy a pair of jeans. I don't know why a middle-aged man would ever do that. But he did. Floundering around in the jeans section, he was met by a cheery young lady who, eyeing a middle-aged physic, wanted to know if he would like slim fit, easy fit, or relaxed fit; regular or faded, stone-washed or acid-washed; button fly or zipper? The Professor decided
that he was spending much longer in the store than he planned, "investing time, energy, and no small amount of self-doubt, anxiety, and dread." He bought the easy fit, and retreated gladly. To the grocery store where, he says, he was confronted with "85 varieties of crackers, 285 of cookies, 230 different soups, 120 pasta sauces, and 175 kinds of salad dressing."
I doubt if we have THAT much variety at our Oshkosh stores, but I'll bet it's close. Schwartz's frustrating time that day being overwhelmed by choices turned out to be a good thing for him. He decided to study how he was reacting to this overload of choice in his life, and published a few months ago his conclusions, in the book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. In it he says, "There are a lot of people walking around, really, really dissatisfied with their lives and unable to put their fingers on what it is that's so troublesome." And he thinks that one of the things that make us uneasy, never content, without a settled sense of peace and, well, "happiness," is that at some point "choice no longer liberates [us]. It might even be said to tyrannize [us]." Schwartz writes, "As the number of choices we face increases, freedom of choice eventually becomes a tyranny of choice." For some, "Routine decisions take so much time and attention that it becomes difficult to get through the day." [See "Burden of Choice," Christian Century, 13 July of places still don't find it.
One contemporary translation of our scripture passage for today says that the peace of God will be with you if you "fill your minds . . . meditate on things that are true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." [The Message] Do that and the peace of God will fill your mind and soul. Do that and you'll begin to put things into perspective - knowing the few things that are truly important, and the many, many things that really in the end mean nothing. Do that, over your lifetime, and you will grow in faith and wisdom, peace, and true happiness. St. Paul said, "I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. . . . Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."
"But isn't having choices in life a good thing?" we ask. We surely don't want to go back to the days of Henry Ford when he said you could buy one of his cars in any color you want - as long as it was black. We like having cars and clothes and phones and TVs and computers in every color and style, with a hundred features, half of which we don't understand . . . we like all those choices, don't we? The studies Schwartz sites say that we don't, really. In fact, he says "We don't feel more control with more choices, studies show, but less. With so many options, we have unrealistic expectations that one of them is bound to be perfect. When things don't turn out that way, we feel helpless and depressed." [quoted by Kelly Jane Torrance, in The American Enterprise]
Isn't that interesting? The subtle message of having so many choices - hundreds of channels on TV and radio is another example - is that if we look hard enough, and spend enough, we'll find just the right thing - perfect - and we'll at last be happy!
But of course we won't. All the major religions of the world, and certainly ours included, all say that peace of heart and mind and soul doesn't come from the abundance of goods outside of us, but always from the quality of life within us. It is in loving God and one another, serving the world -- not ruling it; happiness is found in the depth of relationships we have with loved ones, and even our enemies; it is found in being connected with something much larger than ourselves, and believing deep down inside that we are part of God's acting in the world. Happiness is found as we achieve perspective on the people and on the things in our lives. Then too, happiness is not merely feeling safe; for some people in the most unsafe circumstances have said that even there they have felt the peace of God. While others in the safest of circumstances still live in fear and dread.
There is an old gospel song, created by slaves in this country long ago. Its words are as simple as one can get, but are a profound expression of putting everything in the right perspective. It's a song about choosing. About choosing to believe in spirit more than matter. The words go,
In the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise,
in the morning when I rise, Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.
And when I am alone, and when I am alone,
When I am alone, Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.
And when I come to die, and when I come to die,
And when I come to die, Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.
If Professor Schwartz is right and we are being overwhelmed by the sheer multitude of choices before us, often meaningless choices, and if that is one reason why we feel sometimes so restless, and unsure, and in the richest country in the world we are still an unhappy people, what are we to do? I don't expect us to opt out of our culture, to join the Amish community, say, where life presumably is slower and simpler, and probably healthier. They probably wouldn't have us anyway! But we could learn from them. Jesus calls us to be a culture within the culture - a subculture where alternative values are held up and not merely admired when we gather, but lived out when we have scattered.
As members of that subculture we can choose what we will think about - the true and honorable, the just and pure. And we can choose to be not so choosey; to be content with what we have, to find ways to simplify our lives. We can even find ways of avoiding some choices, to make our lives even just a little simpler. The other day at Shoenbergers I had to pick up a dozen donuts for a gathering. Faced with the dilemma of choosing what kinds I might want, I told the clerk, "You pick ?em!" And she did a marvelous job! That little choice of mine didn't change the world. But I saved myself a few moments of anxiety. If I can do a little thing like that, just think what you could do to simplify your life, if you put your mind to it.
May God grant us wisdom to live faithfully and joyfully, with freedom to follow the way of Christ in our time. Amen.
