Same Sex Unions

"God is love." "The Gospel in a word is love." "They'll know we are Christians by our love." Our scriptures today are two of the most familiar passages about love. The first reading tells us whom we are to love: God, self and neighbor. The second reading describes what that love looks like. Because we know these scriptures so well, we run the dangerous risk of missing their radical nature. Because of our familiarity with these words, we run the risk of not hearing the power there. So let us now listen anew and carefully for the word of God.

We were several days into our time at the Mazahua Mission inMexico. Our shared unusual experience had brought us closer already. While our hands were busy sanding bunk beds, painting walls and scraping tile floors, our minds and mouths wandered through many subjects. The rhythm of the work, the comfort of our temporary home, and our deepening trust brought us around to the subject of homosexuality. Someone asked if I would officiate at a gay or lesbian Covenant Ceremony if it was not at the church. Someone else asked if I would officiate at one at the church. Someone else asked what the congregation thinks about this. "We should talk about this more at church," urged one. "What about an Out on a Limb sermon, " suggested another.

So as I crawl out on this limb this morning, I partially blame my co-workers from the mission trip! Still, many other forces push me out here as well.

Before I speak more about those forces, I want to remind you just what these Out on a Limb sermons are. From time to time, Ralph and I are moved to speak about a controversial topic. While we try to be addressing contemporary topics in other sermons where appropriate, we also like to take some time specifically set aside and announced for dealing with difficult issues. Over the years we have talked about abortion, suicide and euthanasia, homosexuality, the religious right, and that most taboo subject of all -- money!

Why do we do this? Because we believe, as many of you do too, that our faith is not an isolated part of our lives. How we think about moral, social and political issues must be done in the context of our faith and in the context of our faith community. After we started these Out on a Limb sermons, several people commented on how grateful they were to have a chance to think about these complex and often puzzling issues in the setting of their church. You will not hear quick and easy answers. You will not be told how you should believe. But we do want to stir up conversation by sharing our struggles with you, so that we all might share our struggles together.

As congregationalists we have a long and proud history of freedom of thought and belief developed in the midst of educated debate and study. We believe God calls us to consider responsibly and in an informed way issues of great complexity and moral difficulty. Congregationalists have spoken boldly and acted passionately in the past concerning issues such as slavery, divorce and remarriage, war, women's right to vote and to be ordained and civil rights. It is our tradition to think and act on such subjects.

And today, as is true of every one of these subjects, we can only scratch the surface, we can only begin the discussion. Still, it is a discussion we must begin and in fact we have been engaged in from time to time over the last few years. Our adult education committee has sponsored two series about homosexuality and in the fall of 1994 Ralph preached an Out on a Limb sermon on homosexuality. Copies of that sermon (and this one) are available in the church office today.

I want us to talk about this subject of Same Sex Unions because it (and the subject of homosexuality in general) is very much a topic of conversation surrounding us. Reggie White certainly got us all talking! This week's Newsweek Magazine contains a poignant and thought provoking article in which a woman tells her story of realizing she is a lesbian after 25 years of marriage. Religious magazines are full of reports of denominational debates about the ordination of homosexuals. Recent articles tell about church trials for pastors accused of going against denominational directives and blessing unions of gay and lesbian couples. Harvard, Emory, Stanford and other university chapels struggle with policies concerning holding Covenant or Blessing services for gay and lesbian couples. U.C.C. churches here in Wisconsin have been picketed and members confronted on their way into worship as a state wide group called Wisconsin Christians United conduct what they call "truth blitzes." National and state legislative bodies are dealing with constitutional issues for these unions.

So one reason I want us to talk today about Same Sex Unions is because it is a timely topic that is very much part of public debate these days.

Another reason I want us to talk about the issue, is that the United Church of Christ is encouraging congregations to do so, and offers materials to help us. At the National General Synod meeting last summer, the delegates passed a resolution affirming that "the standard for sexual and relational behavior for members of the United Church of Christ is fidelity and integrity in marriage and in other covenanted relationships, in singleness and in all relationships of life." This same resolution calls for a church wide dialog on these matters.

But there is another, much more personal, and I think much more important reason we need to talk about this subject. When, NOT IF, when a gay or lesbian couple comes to Ralph or me and asks us if we will bless their union, I want to be able to respond to this request based on good, honest, compassionate, thoughtful, prayerful conversations that this congregation has had about it. I don't want us to wait until the issue is talked about on the basis on that couple alone. I want us to have talked and thought about this issue now, and not related to that one couple.

HOWEVER, let me be VERY clear that even though there is not a particular couple making this request right now, that does not mean we should talk about this issue in some sort of impersonal way. As we " . . . engage in this issue we must see human faces, not abstract issues of sexual ethics, theology or even matters of church order. First we are to see people . . . " (From a Pastoral Letter from U.C.C. Conference Ministers.) We see brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, friends, cousins, aunts and uncles. We see members of this congregation. We see members of the families of this congregation. These are OUR brothers and sisters! So while I don't want to focus our conversations on one couple, we dare not lose sight of the very personal nature of this issue.

I also want to be very clear that this sermon is only the beginning of our conversations. We expect to have organized times, places and ways for us to study, think, pray and discuss this issue in much more depth this fall. It is a complex issue with many dimensions. What we believe about homosexuality in general affects how we think of today's subject. What we believe about all marriage relationships and how we understand fidelity plays a role. What we might think about the legal aspects of same sex unions. How we feel about the spiritual aspects and institutional church's role needs to be studied and discussed.

It is complex and often uncomfortable -- uncomfortable for heterosexuals and homosexuals -- but talk and pray we must.

If we look to the Bible for clear guidance and specific help on this issue, we will be disappointed. The seven passages that deal specifically with homosexual behavior are the subject of hot debate and volumes of interpretations by all manner of biblical scholars. Questions hang in the air still. How you understand the authority of the Bible and what methods you use to interpret its meaning form the basis for understanding these texts. It would be unfair and impossible for me to try and summarize all this debate here today. I do need to say, however, that I do not believe that homosexuality is a sin.

If we look to psychiatry for clear guidance and specific help on the issue of heterosexual and homosexual orientations, we will also be disappointed. The debate rages about whether a person's heterosexual or homosexual orientation is genetic or environmental or both. It would be unfair and impossible for me to try and summarize all this debate here today. I do need to say, however, that, with the rare exception, I believe most homosexuals do not choose to be homosexual.

Many have suggested our society would be so much better if we got back to biblical family values, believing the Bible endorses the modern nuclear family. But this form of the family is a relatively modern invention -- it didn't appear until at least nineteen centuries after the biblical writings were completed. (James B. Nelson, "Relationships: Blessed and Blessing.) And if we explore the biblical family model we find many models: the patriarchal model with a father-ruled extended family; polygamous marriage with one man, several wives or concubines and their children; matriarchal, female-headed, extended families; single parent families; blended families of widows required to marry her dead husband's brother; monogamous heterosexual marriage; adult siblings sharing a home; celibate single people; dual career marriages. We have many models of family in the Bible.

As I struggle with this issue, I have tried to look at more general values or theological concepts drawn from the Bible to use in making decisions. That is what Steven Folberg did as a committee at his synagogue debated the request of Barry and Jeff -- long time, faithful, active members of the synagogue. They asked if they could rise at the next milestone anniversary service to be blessed for their 20-year monogamous relationship. As the committee members with many viewpoints debated this request, Steven spoke up and said,

"Somebody used the word homophobia earlier. Well, am I homophobic?" I asked (only semi-rhetorically). "Yes, I am. I clearly do not understand the physicality of Jeff and Barry's relationship. Indeed on some level -- sexuality being the basic element of the human personality that it is -- the thought of their intimacy is profoundly uncomfortable and threatening to me. But that, too, is not the issue; I need not understand how Jeff and Barry relate to each other on that level. There are, however, things that I do understand: love, devotion, faithfulness, the desire to know that you are never alone in your struggles and triumphs of life. Those things I do understand."

"And so," I said, "to me the question is this. Here we have two Jews who love each other, are committed to each other, and have been faithful to each other for twenty years. Will we or will we not allow them to thank God for what they share, and have shared, in the sanctuary of our synagogue? That is the most important question."

In the end, the synagogue extended the blessing.

Although it is not clean and neat, although it is not simple or easy, although it leaves lots of room to make mistakes, I still believe that it is the law of love that must guide me in deciding if it is right to bless same sex covenants. As this law of love guides me I ask myself questions like: Will this decision bring more justice? Does this decision bring liberation, helping people be all that they can fully be? What decision would further mutuality and equality? How can the outcome encourage honest and faithful relationships? What would help people connect more closely to God, the source of all love? What does my integrity call me to do? And finally I must ask that question we have asked our youth to keep on their wrists and in their hearts, "What would Jesus do?"

Some suggest this is too simplistic, but on the contrary, it leads us on a risky and demanding quest. What would Jesus do? Jesus positioned himself on the side of those cast out by the powerful majority of his time. Jesus reached out to and loved all people, no matter who they were or what they had done. Jesus had some harsh words for those who thought they had a corner on the truth. What would Jesus do? This is a critical question we must ask ourselves about this issue.

The last concept I want to touch on before I conclude is a notion near and dear to the heart of congregational/U.C.C. members, the concept of the covenant. Covenant comes from a Hebrew word which primarily means "a binding pact," the parties of the pact binding themselves to one another.

Scripture is clear in its understanding of the importance of covenant relationships. Covenants were first made between God and humans and then between humans. This model of binding ourselves to one another and to God plays a central role in our understanding of church membership. Just moments ago, we all owned our church covenant.

Marriage is another covenant, a covenant between two people and with God. The presence of clergy at the making of a marriage covenant -- a wedding -- is to provide the church's formal blessing on this covenant. We clergy do not make or bind the covenant, the two people marrying one another do this. They unite themselves to each other. No waving of my hands or speaking of certain words will establish a covenant. Only the commitment and work of both parties will do this.

So, taking my understanding of scripture, considering what we know about the psychology of our sexuality, affirming my theology of the law of love, asking "What would Jesus do?" remembering what a covenant really is, praying like mad, and knowing that I might just be wrong, where do I come down on whether I would officiate at a Covenant Blessing Ceremony for a gay or lesbian couple? I believe (as does Ralph) it is my job, and the church's job to nurture and support love, faithfulness, commitment, and integrity, wherever it is found whether that love is between a woman and a man, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. So, yes, I would want to bring a blessing to that celebration of love.

But let me say that my answer to that question is not nearly so important as our need to consider this question as a faith community. We need to be brave enough to dare to talk about our fears, concerns, disagreements and confusion. We need to be open and loving and compassionate toward all God's children -- heterosexual and homosexual -- sitting every week together in these pews. And we need to be brave enough to dare to follow wherever God might lead us, even if that is to new, uncharted places, where we are not in the majority.

I close with some words from Walter Wink, Professor of Biblical Interpretation at Auburn Seminary, who concluded a presentation on the issue of homosexuality with these words:

I know of a couple, both well known Christian authors in their own right, who have both spoken out on the issue of homosexuality. She supports gays, passionately; he opposes their behavior, strenuously. So far as I can tell, this couple still enjoy each other's company, eat at the same table, and, for all I know, sleep in the same bed.

We in the church need to get our priorities straight. We have not reached a consensus about who is right on the issue of homosexuality. But what is clear, utterly clear, is that we are commanded to love one another. Love not just our gay sisters and brothers who are often sitting beside us, unacknowledged, in church, but all of us who are involved in this debate. We don't have to tear [our church] whole denominations to shreds in order to air our differences on this point. If that couple I mentioned can continue to embrace across this divide, surely we all can do so.

So let's talk together. Come and join me! I could use some company out on this limb! Amen.